About Séamus Brophy

Séamus Brophy was born in 1885 the son of a small farmer (about 4 foot 3 inches) and a small farmer’s wife. He won’t say what town or even what county he is from. It is thought that this was originally due to a psychotic fear that the Black & Tans were trying to track him down, but that since 1937 he simply hasn’t been able to remember. Additionally it is not known which farmer’s wife was in question.

Brophy played a prominent role in the 1916 rising, writing several letters to Pádraig Pearse urging him to forget about spilling blood for Ireland in favour of a plan of his own. Brophy had a detailed scheme involving thirteen pigs and two tons of dynamite. Pearse wrote back to him thanking him for his suggestion but doubting whether you could get that close to the King of England with one pig let alone thirteen.

Brophy went on to be a keen observer of the Irish War of Independence and the subsequent Civil War. He observed them both keenly from behind a specially constructed pig.

During The Emergency (as the Second World War was referred to in Ireland), Brophy was an advisor to De Valera. Unfortunately the post was assumed by Brophy without consulting the Irish Government and he had no official sanction, leading to allegations by detractors that, rather than being an advisor, Brophy was in fact a nutcase muttering to his goat in a small field.

Always an independent thinker, Brophy campaigned well into the 1970s for the release of the leaders of the 1916 revolution. When told that these men are dead he will still snort derisively.

“If you believe that,” he says, “You’ll believe anything. Would you like to buy a golden chicken for sixpence?”