Séamus Brophy FAQ

• You are basically rural: what do you think of cities?
• You seem very fond of pigs, are they a substitute for human companionship?
• What do you think of DeValera?
• Why are you pointing that stick at me?
• What is the root cause of all the trouble in Ireland throughout the years?
• Who is the greatest figure in Irish mythology?
• What do you like most about modern Ireland?
• You’ve been accused of being racist - how do you defend yourself?
• How Do You Feel About Éamon Trolleybus?
• How Would You Like To Be Remembered?

Q: You are basically rural: what do you think of cities?
S.B: I have nothing against cities other than the succinct observations made by our Lord in the cases of Sodom and Gomorrah. I don’t hold with them. There’s nowhere to park your pig.

Q: You seem very fond of pigs, are they a substitute for human companionship?
S.B: In much the same way as Limerick is a substitute for a poke in the eye or the Pope is a good alternative to piles, I suppose.

Q: What do you think of De Valera?
S.B: Dev was a great statesman, a fine American, a noble Spaniard, a complete Bastard…what can I say? There was nothing about the man that wasn’t perfect. Especially when there was only radio.

Q: Why are you pointing that stick at me?
S.B: I left me gun at the dance.

Q: What is the root cause of all the troubles in Ireland throughout the years?
S.B: England, people in Dublin and the failure of the EU to extend the Mediterranean… I could murder an olive. (I could murder a lot things, mind you).

Q: Who is the greatest figure in Irish mythology?
S.B: That would be a three-way tie between Cúchulainn, Charlie Haughey and Dana. I exclude myself only because it hurts me to count to four.

Q: What do you like most about modern Ireland?
S.B: I think the new trousers are fantastic but the buses are a big mistake.

Q: You’ve been accused of being racist - how do you defend yourself?
S.B: Well first I circle me pigs, then I hurl flaming branches at the filthy bastar… O… hang on… I see what you mean. Well I don’t think there’s ever been any real racism in Ireland. Even when I was a lad in our village when a stranger came by, no matter what colour he was or what kind of Catholic belief he had we always took him into our homes. Of course, he’d be just trying to pass through… but we took him into our homes alright… Oh Yes!

Q: How Do You Feel About Éamon Trolleybus?
S.B: I have the greatest of respect for anyone who is willing to die for his country. Trolleybus, I can’t stand.

Q: How Would You Like To Be Remembered?
S.B: We have an old saying where I come from: “Ask me one more stupid question and I’ll poke you till you scream with this stick”.